Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

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(281): View more from Texas

Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.

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(914): View more from New York

You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me

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(503): View more from Oregon

If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Being responsible doesn't make memories.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.

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