One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
