Nicole vs. Life
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
