Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
