who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
