Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
