Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
