I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
