My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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