I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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