she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
