I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize