Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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