is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She's the barista slut.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
