dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
