i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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