the condom got lost in my hair
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
