a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
