My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
