you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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