How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
