im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize