That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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