tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
