ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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