Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
