I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
