Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
