I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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