Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
