16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
