the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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