My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
