Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it hurts more in the daytime
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
