my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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