What a fucking waste of an outfit
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He? As in you personified your dick?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
