I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she pinky promised me she was 18
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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