Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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