i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
