Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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