i love accidental penises.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
