He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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