Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
