Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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