I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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