My nipple is on Facebook.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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