420 ftw
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
