I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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