Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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