Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
