Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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