sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
