I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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