YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
