We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
