I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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