Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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