so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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