Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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