i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
