he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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