She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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